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a scholarly treatise on meeting men through the internet Part 1: Research phase: results

world's dullest blog
she sells sanctuary


13 February 2007

The day before Valentine's Day is coincidentally the day that I am re-commencing my research. Don't draw any conclusions from that. That is pure coincidence. I have not been at all affected by the pre-Valentines Day information supplements in newspapers which are neither informative nor supple.

My last, extended, project self-combusted in a fireball which seared my heart to a medium raw state, but otherwise didn't do any lasting damage. At least, nothing that can't be repaired by a good seamstress with an old Singer....

So I've modified the parameters and re-set the equipment, and ready to head back into the lab, older, wiser, and certainly more informed as to the amount of polonium required to kill someone in a tea shop.

I have found a number of websites with potential research subjects. Some sites need a small financial investment before access to subjects is granted, some need a large financial investment with absolutely no guaranteed quality of subjects, and one or two offer a huge pool to be trawled through at no cost whatsoever, but at least a chance of enjoying some of the good things on offer around town as a nice side dish.

You know all those big groups of people gathered at your moonlight cinemas, your bookclubs in the pub, your Sunday brunchers at the ocean side cafe? you thought they were old friends? pah - they never met each other before! pure strangers!!! it's one of the big secrets which i am about to reveal...well as soon as i get my password to the site and approval by the site moderator.

I've signed up to:

- Getalife.com.au;

- about 3 different '6 for dinner' type organised dinners at fancy restaurants, even though I am already fuming that I have to pay a booking fee to some north-shore-matron-who-runs-the-whole-show-from-her-kitchen-computer-and-i-am-funding-her-renovations-and-why-don't-i-do-the-same-myself-but-i-don't-have-time-so-what-the-hell-$25-is-not-too-much-to-pay-for-love-is-it?; and

- for good measure, and because i am nice, the State Emergency Services volunteer organisation which meets every Monday night and does all sorts of fun training. This coming Monday we are doing a disaster evacuation practice with dead and maimed people and it sounds like a whole lot of fun.

My draft report will be uploaded next week.


Well would you believe it?

After all that, I met my dream man lawn bowling.....


The cat is hinting to me that I need to go on a diet.

Where he normally brings in a mouse to the bedroom at 3am and thoughtfully leaves most of it for me to consume, he is now only leaving me the heart.

It is very symbolic of his affection for me, I think.


Researcher is attending a work-sponsored conference for the past 3 days.

This could have been useful in terms of the assignment but most subjects are outside the demographic by approximately 35 years.

Researcher has been generating a lot of interest by subjects thinking she is playing 'hard to get' and 'mysterious' where in fact she has retreated to her villa (2 bedroom, king size bed, spa, sigh...) out of boredom, with a good Danish book.

Work conferences, even in wine country, are not what they are cracked up to be. Or maybe it's something to do with the topic of Dust Diseases?


Just briefly totally off the subject again...

I was babysitting two sets of friends' kids simultaneously the other day, the one set of parents are French, the other are Swiss. The kids were 4mths old , 9 mths old and 2 years old. The Swiss parents said 'put the 4 mth old baby to sleep at 6.30pm'; the French parents said 'feed the 9mth old at 6.30pm and the 2 year old at 7pm."

So I thought, I'll put the 4mth old down at 6.25 and feed the 9mth old at 6.35pm. But this didn't work for the Swiss baby who somehow KNEW that 6.25pm wasn't 6.30pm so screamed her head off. (Apparently Swiss babies don't have hearts, they have small, precise clock mechanisms instead.)

meanwhile the French baby couldn't understand why he had to wait 5 extra mins for his food, so he screamed HIS head off.

So I got the Swiss baby out of bed and held her on my arm and put the French baby in the cage and fed him with the bottle balancing through the bars with one finger (he was crouched on his knees with his arms hanging in the air and looking not unlike a very small kangaroo) and at the same time I tried to show interest in a conversation about Winnie the Pooh the 2 year old was having with me in french, hoping she wouldn't notice the conversation was one-sided because actually I don't speak french.

I think this sort of babysitting works as a type of contraceptive device of itself.

Hi folks, researcher is back! (Sorry 'bout that, got a bit busy with a new job and all that. Actually ever since the boss explained how researcher shares in profits, she has been noticed saying 'and my bill will follow in due course' even to the cat when he gets a plate of milk.)

Researcher has nothing to report this week except her new theory that chivalry is dead - if one sees a man opening a car door for a woman these days it is only because his car doors have child locks on them.

Researcher will begin putting her report together shortly and aims to post short sections at least weekly for her tutorial class of 3.5 or 4.

And her bill will follow in due course.......


Researcher has recently updated her profile again.

Recently several girlfriends have relayed to her of a story broadcast on an Oprah Winfrey show about this American chick who decided to get serious about finding a husband.

The American chick said to Oprah that she was determined to find a husband if that meant going on 100 dates in 100 days.

Her magical mystery man appeared as number 84, but researcher guesses that by this stage the poor girl was exhausted and would have thought to herself 'ahh, you don't scratch dat dere crotch in public, and i never yet see y'all spit on the street - you'll do, honey" (this is how women speak on the Oprah show).

Apparently she was quite business like about the process.

Anyway, researcher reworded her first eye catching paragraph to read 'I am looking for a husband to make babies with'.

So far response rate has been nil.

Conclusion - Australian men haven't yet got used to business-like wives.


Subject # 15

This subject sent researcher a virtual kiss, but has been slotted in with the loonies - he lives in Darwin for a start (researcher lives in Sydney), in a place called Fanny Bay (!), plays all sports and smokes (researcher put on her profile she hates sports and smokers).

Must be a joke, surely????

back to the drawing board.

Conclusion: researcher's hypothesis about updating profile (see below) worked anyway.


Recurrent stalking by subject #2

Transcript of the phone interview:

Ring ring! ring ring!
Researcher: "huh, wha...hello ?"
Subject: "Hi, its Subject # 2, remember me, we spoke about 8 weeks ago"
R: "Um, yeh, sort of. look it's a bit late, you've woken me up'
S: "oh, sorry about that. Look i was wondering - "
R: "ok, bye."

hangs up.

Researcher goes back to bed thinking lots of ethical questions about what constitutes rudeness, anyway, does it depend on time of night and how far does feeling stalked go towards neutralise rudeness..all too complicated. Sends email in morning to subject's workplace address explaining she is getting married to guy she met on internet and therefore no longer dating. Surprisingly, gets email back (will this guy ever give up?) but dumps it in trash box without reading. HOpefully, this is the end of subject # 2.


Hypothesis: the free dating site is only going to bring in responses as long as researcher remains in (chronological) top 20 or 30 candidates, it being too hard to scroll down all 278,000 profiles for most users (and they think they're serious about looking for love! Humpf!)

Hence: The fact that researcher hasn't updated her computer dating profile for 6 weeks is the sole reason no one has sent her a virtual kiss lately, not because word has got out that she's a bitch.

Conclusion: Researcher to update profile by addition of comma or other minor amendment. Reference to 'likes to smoke a cigar' to remain for the time being to continue separate strand of research associated with Bill Clinton's impact on male sexuality.



just completely off the subject.....

I went to the hairdressers yesterday, a new one I'd been walking past daily on my way to my new job, with a cute French guy in there. I thought, must keep that in mind, grungy chic little inner city hairdresser's in a terrace house, for next time I need a hair cut and am feeling bold...

Finally, when my hair looked too disgusting (I really should stop using that k-mart body wash on it), i went in and made an appointment for the next day at lunch. I should have walked out then and there when i saw how empty his appointment book was. But he charges $60 so i thought, he must be good if he's going to charge like that.

Anyway, next lunchtime came and I went in and I guess I should have walked out when I saw his strange little products on the shelf from brands I'd never heard of. You know how normally it's Redken or KMS or some other wanky expensive brand? This stuff was in orange bottles and was called 'etienne' or something.

He was washing my hair and asked 'what sort of shampoo do you normally use?' and obviously i couldn't say 'well, i rang out of shampoo and i'm washing it with k-mart bodywash', so i said 'oh, the stuff everyone uses...actually what do you think? is it a bit dry and lifeless?' and i thought 'this is the bit where they try and sell you $60 worth of shampoo'. But he just went 'ummm....it is a bit, are you vegetarian?' and went back to absentmindedly washing it.

i should have walked out then because as everyone knows, real hairdressers always try and sell you 'product'.

anyway, so i'm sitting in front of the mirror while he gets the tea and feeling a bit disquieted because,you know, no one else is there, and the walls really do look grungy upon closer inspection, and his appointment book was empty after all, and i've never heard of 'etienne' shampoo, and there was a story in the newspaper recently about a hairdresser who spiked all his customers' tea and then fondled them when they were unconscious ....but he brought me tea in a lovely little tea set with raw sugar and milk in the cutest little milk jug (like from a 7 year old's tea set) and a copy of the Sydney Morning Herald. A french music station from some paytv channel he subscribes to from France was piping Chansons through the salon. I sort of settled in to the groove.

He said 'what do you want me to do' and I said ' I don't care, i just don't want to look like Margaret Thatcher anymore, just whatever you think, maybe like THAT model' and i pointed to a poster of a beautiful model with really straight hair in some fabulously blowdried style.

He said 'that's impossible, your hair is too curly, do you ever use a product on it, or blowdry it?' I said 'no, nothing i'm too lazy'. he looked very shocked.

(After this, he intermittently said 'oh lah lah, you never use no product on it, non?' for the next 30 minutes.)

I should have walked out then and there.

Anyway, he started piling it all up on my head, the way they normally do when they trim the underneath layer, but instead of piling it up NEATLY, he just whacked it up in a big mess, so with the effect of my plastic apron up to my neck, i looked like a 55 year old French concierge.

Then he snipped away quite fast, doing completely the opposite of what we'd discussed. there seemed to be no strategy. I got more and more teary, looking at myself in the mirror, thinking 'i can't believe this. i just cannot believe this'.

i thought for a minute, how do i know he is actually a hairdresser. what if he's actually quite mad and just is meant to be house-sitting the shop for the owner who's gone overseas for a month and isn't meant to be cutting customers hair??? so i asked 'how long have you been cutting hair' and he said 'oh, so long' and made a sad face and told me his life story which involved growing up in new caledonia and cutting natives hair all his life, and how he's desperately trying for a career change involving helping sick new caledonians come to Australian hospitals (or something along those lines).

I was getting more anxious by the minute because i didn't want to look like a 45 year old new caledonian taxi driver, and thought, can i just quickly make a dash for it - he's only cut the underneath layer and no one will see it because the top layer will cover it.

Then a person came in, so i thought, 'ah, another customer...he really is a hair dresser' and didn't run out as I'd planned. Once I'd realised it wasn't a customer but the waitress from the cafe next door coming to borrow a gossipy magazine, he'd already snipped through the top layers and I realised I'd left my escape too late.

He snipped and snipped and snipped so quickly!

Once he laid his snippers aside, he got the blow dryer out. He did some very weird stuff with the blow dryer so that I looked like a young Margaret Thatcher might look if she'd been taken out on a motorbike ride by Mr Thatcher without a helmet. He did some further weird stuff with mousse then spent at least 20 minutes checking it was even on both sides. This involved cutting the left side, checking, cutting the right side, checking, cutting the left side again, checking, cutting the right side, etc. it got quite short by the time he stopped. It was probably a bit uneven due to my leaning to the left trying to read the Herald but even so....

Then he snipped some uneven choppy bits into it and finally patted it down in a firm smacking action and I don't know how he did it, but at the very last minute before I would have burst into tears, it actually looked like a proper hairstyle. Not just a cut, a style! like a sort of oceania/parisian/inner city Sydney grungy chic hair style.

Everyone in the office exclaimed at how nice i looked when I got back.

I just thought, as long as you get to the right destination, it doesn't matter that the journey took you an unexpected detour to hell.


Alternatives to finding subjects via dating agency site:

- mechanics who provide one with pink and blue slips - 100% potentiality on their part, especially if one distracts them by flirting when they are looking questioningly at part of car which really does need a $300 repair prior to getting passed;

- clients at work (divorced and divorcing men coming to see researcher in capacity as professional advisor dealing with divorce/separation) - 80-90% potentiality;

- rich men art Sotheby's art auctions - to be assessed. Researcher's associates have advised that this is tops for meeting gentlemen of refined taste who are interested in spending $400,000 on small square of oil-covered canvas with wooden surround. Free champagne and nibblies and no obligations to buy. Downside - inherent dangers in waving to nice looking man across the room, casually flicking hair back with fingers, gesturing wildly to girlfriend with champagne glass- could all be mistaken as a bid.

Subject # 14 (update)

This subject is currently stalking the researcher, which is interesting, as he used to work in some security division of the South African government. So, researcher is gaining top level stalkee experience as part of the research project.

Notes: not giving out home phone numbers, addresses, proper email address and meeting in a cafe far, far from home is turning out to be a very good idea!

Researcher is currently registering with a newfangled speed dating system which puts another middleman layer between researcher and subject for added security.

Researcher's current state of mental health: alert, alarmed and appalled


Hypothesis: If researcher changes profile on dating site to sound more like what she really is like and less like what she could, in theory, be like, if she had the time and inclination (not to mention a personal stylist), she might make headway in the project.

Results: to be advised.

Subject # 16

Excerpt from the mobile phone transcript:

Subject: "Hi, it's me, where are you?"
Researcher: "I'm at the bottom end of W. road, near that cafe you said you know. Where are you?"
S: "Nearby at that church, I'll drive down."
R: "Ok, I'm just standing on the street directly between the the fish shop and the brothel. So you drive in a northerly direction from where you are at M. street"
S: "Gotcha."

A bit later...

S: "Hi, I'm now at the top end of W. road, standing between the italian restaurant and the bottle shop on the corner of F. street. Where are you?"
R: "grrrr... I'm at the BOTTOM end of the road, you've gone the wrong way.... aaargghhh..."

A bit later...
S: "I can't see you."
R: "I'll look out for your car - what kind is it?"
S: "It's a hyundai gti 4DL twin XPSRDT with mag wheels and spoilers."
R: "ggrrrr.... in plain english, what does it LOOK like....aaarrrrggggghhhhh"

Did not then proceed very well due to sudden and inexplicable drop in mood of researcher.

Subject # 15

Oh dear oh dear....

Excerpt from the transcript:

Researcher: "So, tell me a bit about yourself..."
Subject : "Well, god where do I start, I've done so much:[continues for 45 mins]...Well, enough about me - do you like nature too?"
R: "yes I-"
S: "because I always [continues for 20 mins]. Have you ever been there?"
R: "well once I-"
S: "really, oh, gee that reminds me of a time [continues for 11 mins]...Gee it's been really interesting talking to you. Great conversation, love to see you again."

Did not proceed further.

Subject # 15

This Subject was albino and unfortunately also looked like an American actor who played a pedophile in the indie film hit "Happiness".
Researcher happened to have heard news item about an albino whale on TV the previous night in which the reporter announced to the audience the following:

"And now SCIENTISTS from all over the WORLD are desperate to do DNA TESTING to find out if this little WHALE is a DADDY or can be a DADDY because ALBINOS of all species are INFERTILE. And now to news in sport..."

So despite all other things going well, researcher* just had the phrase 'infertile pedophile' popping into her brain every 2 minutes.

Did not proceed further

* Note: researcher does not claim to be a rational human being.

Subject # 14

This subject was a recent arrival from South Africa.
Excerpt from the transcript:

Subject: "...So then after Mandela got out of prison, he told me that I was the only person he knew who didn't have to go before the Reconciliation Commission. Interesting, huh?"
Researcher: "mmm.. actually, you wanna hear something really interesting? I ran out of shampoo this morning and used a cheap body wash to wash my hair with, and it's actually gone softer than when I use Salon Prescriptives."

Has not proceeded further for some strange reason.


Subject # 13

Since Subject # 12 has been firmly struck off the list, researcher has had lots of time to email Subject # 13, who sounds FAR more interesting, with a better job, not to mention he is European background, so Subject #12 has obviously missed out bigtime.

Researcher has rapidly made fixed appointment at nice cafe for leisurely sunday brunch with Subject #13 and left afternoon totally free just in case....

Subject # 12

Researcher recently discovered that a certain potential subject she has been emailing research questions to - is also contacting her girlfriend and acting available!!!!

Researcher is shocked, notwithstanding that she owes subject a response since last week, but still......

Girlfriend was completely taken by subject by the way, so researcher kept her mouth firmly shut.


Hypothesis: If researcher amends her profile to include reference to 'hard work' being admirable, a certain type of guy will respond.

Conclusion: Men who like to work hard also like to drive Ferraris, Saabs and BMWs.

In detail: There is not much detail to report as all subjects appeared shallow and superficial (at least on the surface) and referred at length to 'wealth', 'financial security' and 'having made it'.

Researcher feels unable to proceed further with any of these subjects as her car looks like it climbed into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson and lost.

idea for first line of novel: "He was a man's man and drove a car's car".



Subject # 2 rang again unexpectedly advising researcher that he was back from his study trip in Stockholm and asking to continue to participate in the survey.

Researcher realised that while from her point of view she was ignoring him, hoping he'd go away, he was too busy having saunas with Swedish babes to realise he was being ignored back in Australia. If anything, he was sounding a bit more frisky and keen to meet.

Telephone conversation extract:

Researcher: "well, uh, let me see, we could meet closer to my work, in the city"
Subject: 'yeah, sounds good, but I want to avoid busy areas and lots of people; I'm more into conversations and talking, so maybe we could meet at the beach"
R: "A beach in the city?'
S: "somewhere away from people so we can talk"
R: "can I send you an email suggesting a quiet, beachy place in the city with no people?"
S: "ok".

It's a tall order!



Subjects # 9-11

Researcher is rapidly losing her sense of humour about the project.

Subject # 9 took researcher to a major classical concert, during which she was so tired that she managed to grab some shut-eye during both rachmaninov AND tschaikovsky symphonies, despite being seated near cymbols and brass section. Subject did not notice, as he was actually on stage at the time.

Subject # 10 took researcher for coffee but his major personality asset (owner of bookshop) had a minor flaw in that the bookshop specialises in technical manuals.

Subject # 11 is negotiating with researcher regarding whether to meet, given that researcher wants kids and subject doesn't. Vital point is that both are in agreement that "The Third Man" is one of the best films of all time (even without the music), hence discussions are continuing.

Nothing proceeding at the moment. Researcher may take short break due to exhaustion.


Results of modifying dating site profile [the words "I don't want a clingy boyfriend" of version 1 were replaced by the words "fidelity and the desire to have babies is not negotiable" in version 2. ]

Hypothesis: That the phrase 'fidelity and the desire to have babies is not negotiable' strikes terror into the hearts of bachelors.

Results: inconclusive as respondent sample size was too small for quality analysis.

In detail: 2 responses received, both of which were helpfully recognised as "spam" by researcher's internet service provider and deposited in 'bulk' email folder. Upon viewing said profiles, it emerged that these respondents were pretty open as to their future wife/partner's attributes as she only had to be 'at least 18, from anywhere in the world'.

Did not proceed further.



Subject # 8 - dinner date [excerpt from transcript]

Researcher: "so....heh heh, I'm getting quite used to this, I've now been on a few dates. What about you?"
Subject: "I've been out with one other girl, you're number 2"
R: "Yeah? What was number 1 like?"
S: "Really nice, we had a lot in common, great girl."
R: "So, how come you're up to number 2?"
S: "Well, to tell you the truth, she was prepared to sleep with me on the first date."
R:"And is that bad?"
S: "well, she must be a slut then right? Not the sort of woman I'd want to marry and I am looking for a wife, after all."
[pause, then]
R: "So what exactly did she say?"
S: "She didn't say anything, she just kept giving me this look, and it was pretty obvious she was begging for it."
R: "Did she look like this?" [gives "The Look"]
S: "That's exactly it!"
R: "That's odd, I was thinking of the waiter."
[pause, then]
R: "Do you mind my asking - did you bring her here too?"

Notes show that interview was terminated shortly thereafter. Subject did not proceed further.



Subject # 7 [extracts of email print out]

Subject: "Hi, thanks for replying to my virtual kiss - you're the first person who's responded"
Researcher: "Really? Well, I guess your profile did sound a bit wacky, but I thought I should be less critical and more open to the possibilities..."
S: "Hi again, I can't wait for our date tonight. I was so excited I could hardly sleep, so I'm a bit tired - I was up till 2am playing Xbox while watching 2Fast 2Furious and SMSing all my mates rude jokes. ".
R: "Hmm...I always read Candide when I can't sleep."
S: "Hi again, I just popped out to get a KFC party pack for lunch. yummmmmo. Now I'm back at my desk. What did you have for lunch?"
R: "just some homemade pear and goats cheese galettes a la Delia"

S: "Hi...only 5 hours till we finally meet."

S: "Hi again, howya doin? My mate just gave me a really funny green frog lamp, hahahaha"

S: "Hi?"

automatic reply from internet service provider: "you have successfully blocked that email address."

Researcher's notes indicate she feels it is a bad idea to bypass phone interviews in future.



Subject # 6 [movie date]

Researcher took Subject to see amazing new John Malkovitch directed film "The Dancer Upstairs" starring sexy spunk actor Javier Bardem and afterwards Subject no longer seemed as desireable.
Researcher's notes show scribblings in the margin such as "Mrs C. Bardem", "CH luvs JB 4 eva" etc.

Lack of enthusiasm for further dates.


Subject # 5 [excerpt of transcript from dinner date]

Subject: "sorry I was late."
Researcher: "oh, don't worry, I had a beer or three while I was waiting."
S: "Shall we go to that restaurant across the road?"
R: "Yes, I'll get the wine!!!"
R: "You know, sometimes I have just had a beer for dinner."
S: "What!!!! Beer for dinner!!!!"
R: "Well, I lived in Bavaria for 3 years and over there,they call beer 'liquid bread' with all the barley, yeast, etc. it's quite nutritional".

[No further dates transpired for some strange reason. Important note: Researcher is not an alcoholic, somehow it just looked that way on the night.]


Subject # 4: [phone interview - excerpt of the transcript]

Subject: "You are my perfect woman! We have to meet! You're my perfect woman! You meet all the criteria!!"
Researcher: "Oh yeah? Like what?"
S: "You're capricorn!"
R: "No, I'm not, I just ticked the first box as I don't believe in that rubbish"
S: "You're the same age as me - 34!!"
R: "No, I made that up to get into the 30-35 demographic. I'm really 37."
S: "You've got gorgeous long hair, and I loooooove long hair!!!!"
R: "That photo's from before the hair cut."
S: "So, you see, you're my perfect woman!!"
R: "Did you listen to anything I just said?"

Did not proceed further.


Subject # 3 [phone interview - excerpt of the transcript]

S: "Gee, I can't believe I finally made contact with you! I rang, left about 10 messages, then you were engaged, then I slept through the normal daytime hours when you said I should call, then I couldn't call after midnight because you said you sleep at night. wow!! We finally are speaking in real time!!!"
R: "Why is it so hard to contact me during normal hours?"
S: "I'm a shift worker."
R: "So pardon me for asking the obvious, but how do you envisage this actually working, like us being boyfriend and girlfriend, if it's taken us 7 days to just make phone contact?"
S: "well, this is the thing, I want to change my whole life".

Did not proceed further.


Subject # 2 [first phone interview - excerpt of the transcript]
S: "Hi lovely lady, you sound delightful. How about meeting me on the boardwalk down at the beach on Sunday?"
R: "Yeah, ok...you mean the beach that's miles from me but really near you?"
S: "Yeah, that one, that would be really convenient for me."
R: "umm...ok...how about 3pm " [Researcher's notes indicate this guy is older, wealthy and owns yacht].

[second phone interview, conducted at home of close girlfriend - 3pm Sunday]
[Researcher's notes indicate researcher is in the middle of most thrilling conversation about babies, nappies, and friend's husband when her mobile phone rings]

S: "So, it's almost 3pm, are we still on?"
R: "umm... well, I was going to ring you...you see, all my plans today were really delayed by about 2 hours and-"
S: "So - if you come at 5pm you'll see the most amazing sunset from my place near the beach! That's even better than meeting at 3pm"
R: 'umm... no, you see- what I meant was-"
S: 'so that's agreed then? See you at 5pm, I'm going out now, and I don't have a mobile, so you can just find me walking along the beach. Bye!"
R: "!!!"

[Researcher's notes indicate that a lively discussion between researcher and girlfriend takes place forthwith]

[3rd phone interview, mobile phone, approx. 3.01pm Sunday]
R: "umm...look sorry, but something just came up - can we postpone the meeting till next Sunday?"
S: "that's difficult as I leave for Europe on a study trip on Sunday so it's either now or never."

Did not proceed further.


Subject # 1 [phone interview - excerpt of the transcript]

S: "Hi, I can't believe we finally made contact, you were always busy!"
R: "Oh, sorry about that, you wouldn't believe how many men have been phoning me."
S: "Really, you mean you are considering meeting more than just the one?"
R: "Well, yes, it's a bit like looking at apartments, don't you think? Or going for a job? You do have to approach a few possibilities simultaneously, narrowing the field down to one..after all the one you want might not necessariliy make you an offer, so you revert to your 2nd choice, do you know what I mean?"
S: "No, i do not!"
R: "oh, well anyway, how was the snow in Victoria? You mentioned skiing in your email"
S: "I was bushwalking in the Blue Mountains!!!!"
R: "Oh, isn't this Gil?"
S: "No, it's Colin!!!!!!!!"
R: "oh...oops, sorry, i've just been getting a bit confused. Are you the guy in the white shirt on the boat? No? Hang on, let me just get into the correct computer screen..hang on, the system's down...ahhh...there we go..ohhh......ohhhh...."

Did not proceed further.



Week 1: Complete and utter disaster.

Due to researcher's photogenic appearance on profile coupled with preposterous, albeit witty, self-description, researcher was flooded with emails. Researcher's theorum that subjects would self-limit because not all those who sent free kisses would also pay to send a personalised email was comprehensively crushed.

Unfortunately, researcher had indiscriminately send auto-replies to each 'virtual kiss' to the effect that '[researcher] is thrilled to receive your kiss and is looking forward to receiving your email". An interesting aspect of these initial results was that those subjects who appeared most attractive also tended not to bother with sending an email reply. Further study is needed on this point (i.e. do these men receive so many replies from attractive females that they can get extremely choosy once it comes to having to pay for emails, or do they immediately receive paid emails back in reply from eager females, thus enabling them to simply sit back and wait for the more competitive females to undertake further activities??).

Each subject who responded by sending a purchased email via the dating site included their own private email address in the body of their personalised email, in order to by-pass the site in future. This suggests that subjects using this commercial site are prepared to spend a maximum of $6 per target until they have trapped their quarry. This is approximately equivalent to buying an unknown girl a gin and tonic at a bar. If nothing further transpires, subjects will not feel they have been 'taken for a ride'.

Researcher (due to her - somewhat misguided - personal sense of duty) felt compelled to respond to each and every personalised email with a reply email stating that subjects were to feel free to telephone her at home as she is not much of an 'email person'.

Approximately 20 such emails were sent out in the first week.

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